About relationships

My Lunar return started a few days ago & the theme for this month is relationships.
It’s already been pretty interesting to see it unfold.

Relationships, mainly friendships in my case, have always been an essential part of my existence. Something I craved but had far less of than I desired.

My 7th house Moon & 40-37 Human Design channel are a big indicator of this part of my cosmic make up. Add that the unconscious 4 line in my HD profile & yes I really do need connections with my people.

I’ve always wanted it. But it was hard to come by. Not feeling seen, heard, understood. Trying to find my people. Those who are willing to go as deep as I go, & also invest of their time & energy in this bond.

I have spent most of my life feeling unseen, unwanted, left out.

The key word here is feel. It was my emotional reality of the experience. Which makes it real & true for me. I wasn’t met with what I needed in order to feel seen, wanted & included.
But it does not mean that I was rejected or had no friends either. That I was all alone.

Emotional reality is a tricky thing.

Because my desire & love for friendships was so deep, I gave a lot of me away. Trying to make it work. Pouring a lot of effort & attention into it.

Maybe you can relate. Maybe it is something you have experienced. Maybe not with friends. Feel free to translate friendship to what feels more like your reality of it.

At some point I din’t have enough of me left. I was depleted & wasn’t receiving enough back.

—What’s interesting here is, no matter what I could have received back, it doesn’t change the fact that my behaviour wasn’t serving me. I am the one responsible for giving myself what I need, not someone else—

So what I did was: close off my heart. I started stopping myself from giving too much. I had to literally hold myself back. Not send the messages, not ask the questions, not have thoughtful gestures, not ask to meet up. Hold back.

I did that with a few friends & with my brother.

I’ve always wanted for my brother to be just that, my brother. For him to see me, to appreciate me, to love me, to want me. But he never did. Realizing that he will never be the person I want him to be changed my life. At 20 years old, I finally stopped trying. Nothing I would do or say would turn him into the brother I wish I had.

The thing is, once you know what to expect or not expect of others, you can stop hurting yourself.

Relationships only exist when there is 2 of you in it. You cannot do it alone.

Closing off my heart didn’t work for me either, because I can never be anything other that who I truly am. & I want to love deep & fully & show it. Not have to restrain myself.

If the person is not in the relationship then it is not the person for me. & that’s okay.

I stopped asking for what wasn’t given to be willingly.
& adjusted to who the other showed me they were.

If they wanted to communicate, respond, engage, see you, they would.
Maybe they do communicate, respond, engage, are present, for others.
It doesn’t mean it’s about you. It doesn’t mean they don’t enjoy you.

But if you feel left out, reevaluate.
Look within, see why you’re feeling this way. What wound needs to be addressed.
Start a conversation, if you feel called to.
But don’t self-abandon for the sake of others.

A relationship is a 2 way street. Always.

It’s like working with someone.

You show up but the coach doesn’t. You don’t feel they’re invested in doing the work with you, being there to guide & support you, that sucks.

I don’t ever want to feel like my coach isn’t fully supporting me, or doesn’t really care about me.

Same on the other end. A coach showing up ready to hold you & guide you but you don’t engage, you don’t respond, you don’t open up, that sucks too.

I want to do my work with people & for them to transform, not have to drag them through it. If you want to be here, be here.

You need both side to be in it for it to work.

Now, I am very aware & mindful of the dynamic of my relationships. I don’t overextend. I don’t give away. I can give a lot. But not to my own detriment. Not when I see that the relationship is not the one that I thought it was. Not out of hurt, but out of balance. I adjust. For it to be healthy. Not an energy leak. Not a one sided investment of my energy.

Giving out unconditional love is without expectations. Or need for reciprocity.

But your energy isn’t infinite. Don’t give it away. Don’t invest it in what isn’t nourishing you.

Don’t spend time in relationships where you aren’t appreciated, valued, wanted. Where the other isn’t putting in their equal energy.

A relationship, whatever its shape or form, is always 2 sided. You cannot do a relationship by yourself. If they aren’t in it, don’t hold it for both of you.

Don’t give yourself away.
Don’t give away your time, effort, attention, energy.
Invest it. Take time to feel where you truly want to invest it.

This could be with friends, family, romantic partner, or peers, collaborators, colleagues, within professional partnerships.
No one is entitled to you.

It isn’t about being petty or keeping score. « I did that & they didn’t » kind of thing.
Relationships are forever moving & evolving. They’re cyclical. They span over years, decades, a lifetime.

But it is about choosing yourself.

You don’t want to be the one doing all the work in the group project.
The one left out of the parties.
The one who’s always reaching out.

Start with you. Even in relationships.
From choosing yourself, what do you want?
Follow that. Lead with that.

If choosing you means choosing the other, great.
If choosing you means not choosing the other, that’s okay too. You’re allowed.

Life rearranges itself to make those who belong together come together. & no, we don’t all belong together, we aren’t required to have relationships with everyone. It doesn’t make us less than or them less than.
Let what fits, fit & what doesn’t, doesn’t.

Choose you & see your relationships blossom or fall away to make room for new aligned ones.

Love,

Marine